O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
