I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
40s are totally the cure
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
