let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
