I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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