I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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