you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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