Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize