I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
