and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
