found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
