He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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