im drinking this country out of the recession.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
