im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
