Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just googled if crying burns calories
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
