Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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