Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
