not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
