Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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