Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
