and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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