my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have aggressive nipples.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
