he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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