I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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