I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
