I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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