Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
