I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
