I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
