he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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