Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
