This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
