She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
