To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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