I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
