I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize