dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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