You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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