Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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