My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
