he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
