So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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