Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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