Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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