Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
