if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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