some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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