Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
