This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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