he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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