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I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
dude. I can hear the air.
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