don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
40s are totally the cure
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
