just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
