Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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