At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
