I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize