Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
