he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
