I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize