I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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