Girls should come with a carfax report
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
