New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
