You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
