He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
