So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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