i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
