I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
