winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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