Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
