I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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