coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
