made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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